I am sitting at a desk, directly in front of my window. The
window is open as it is possibly the most beautiful day of the
year. It is September, so the air is clear and crisp; the sun is
shining in my window and the sky is perfectly blue.
For just a second I had the impulse to put on my
“Eagle’s” jacket which I wear proudly, get in my car and go to
a wooded area to see the explosion of colors the trees offer
on their autumn leaves!
Oh, I am unable to be a part of it as I am reminded by
the shadow of the bars from over my window and on to my
desk. But wait--- Oh, the overwhelming feeling of despair as
the realization sets in that I am LOCKED in a cell because of
the result of my drug addition and alcoholism! On one hand I
want with all of my heart to be part of this beautiful day…; on
the other hand, I must now accept the possible fact that I may
never sit up against a tree again or feel its leaves swirling
around me when the wind blows.
How did this happen? Not only did I not kill anyone! I
never even hurt anyone ever. All I ever wanted was to be a
“part” of a beautiful day and to add anything good to it!
That immediately changes as soon as I put alcohol or
drugs in my body. I soon have no say as to “what I want as
lusts and Desires” as the chemicals dictate my actions for the
rest of the day and night. Being locked in a cell and being
refused participation in the world around me have become
the results of those actions. Darn, if only I would have
stopped…just one day sooner! Then I could have been a big
and wonderful part of this wonderful day! But the saddest part
of an addict is …they never know what day will be their last…
last day of freedom……last day of sanity…..or their last day of
life! For myself…I wish I had quit ONE DAY SOONER…For the
“still suffering”…
I hope it is
today…It could
be your last
one. Might as
well enjoy its
beauty while it
lasts!
