BYM Youth Program: Listening Session

TO: Adelphi RE Committee, Young Friends Executive Committee, Trustees, Supervisory Committee, Monthly Meeting Clerks, Monthly Meeting R.E. Committees, Manual of Procedure Committee, Ministry and Pastoral Care Committee, Youth Programs Committee, and the Baltimore Yearly Meeting Community

In mid-December, Youth Programs Committee (YPC) first became aware that there had been an incident of drug use among some Young Friends at the September, 2006, conference. While the specific details of this event are important, the problems that have come to light as both Young Friends and YPC have struggled to address this incident are much more so. Since December, YPC has heard a number of concerns and requests for information from both Monthly Meetings and individuals. Additionally, many people throughout the Yearly Meeting have had the opportunity to read the recent letter from Lauri Perman regarding her concerns about Young Friends' Self- Governance. In consideration of these events, YPC decided at Interim Meeting on March 24, 2007, to send a letter to the Yearly Meeting to let you know how we have been addressing these issues, and how we expect to proceed from this point.

Youth Programs Committee members felt that it was important to make sure the larger Yearly Meeting has some understanding of the way Young Friends operates. The business of Young Friends (YF) is conducted through nightly Meetings for Worship with a Concern for Business at all of their gatherings, including conferences and Annual Sessions. Additionally, there is a Young Friends Executive Committee (Exec.), made up of the YF Clerk, the two Co-Assistant Clerks, the Recording Clerk, the Treasurer, the Assistant Treasurer, two Representatives to the Youth Programs Committee, the two Annual Sessions Planners, the two BYFN Editors, several Members at Large, and Floaters, that is, any former members of Exec. Further, all Friendly Adult Presences (FAPs) at a conference, including the Designated FAP (DFAP, who is a member of YPC), and the Youth Secretary are also ex-officio members of Exec.

YF Executive Committee generally helps the Clerk to manage the business of YF, but does not usually function as a decision-making body for the YF community. However, on those occasions where the Gathering Expectations are not followed and the community's trust is broken, Exec. makes the decisions about how these issues will be addressed. YPC strongly recommends that anyone interested should refer to the YF Handbook for more details on YF Gathering Expectations and how YFs' self-governance works, which can be found here.

There is a perception by some that the YFs' process is not effective in dealing with incidents. While YPC agrees that improvements can and need to be made, we feel it is important to recognize that more often, their process is very successful. In September, Exec. identified both the inappropriate situation and the individuals present when it happened. The trust, care, and love upon which their community is based enabled the YFs Exec. and the larger YFs community to bring this forward into the Light. From Young Friends and FAPs present at that meeting, we are assured that the peer process used was immensely powerful and has already borne the fruit of prevention. The positive peer pressure exerted when the YF Exec. members painfully addressed the broken trust, along with the promise of opportunity to work to rebuild it, was transformative to most of those who were involved. The repeated breech of trust, learned about over the following days, was extremely difficult to work through. While few were involved, it was painful to recognize that not all of our Quaker teens were willing to embrace the Gathering Expectations or the Young Friends' community. (We feel it is important to note that all of the Young Friends involved in the drug use were from BYM Monthly Meetings.)

While we all recognize the need for Exec. to be more timely in their communications (both to each other and to the Youth Secretary and YPC Clerks), we embrace and admire their courage. They not only recognized signs of possible misbehavior within their community but took it upon themselves to investigate. They also faced, without hesitation, the difficulty of holding one-another accountable. We commend their spirit and their faith as well as the maturity and wisdom they showed in their process.

At the December YPC Meeting, we recognized a need for improvement and clarification of the procedures we have for addressing crises at Young Friends' conferences. We also recognized a need for continued improvement of our communication with Young Friends. This led us to decide to meet with Exec. at their retreat in January. At the January meeting, we labored with Exec. to identify problem areas that needed our attention. This included communication difficulties between YFs and the Youth Secretary as well as between YFs and the YPC.

We began work on a number of areas that are still in process: A crisis checklist that could be used by the DFAP in any situation similar to what occurred in September. This would help to ensure that all appropriate steps are taken to keep the youth safe, to prevent further problems, and to assure that the Youth Secretary and YPC Co-Clerks are informed.

Since the distribution of Lauri Perman's letter about her concerns for youth programs, YPC decided that the wider Yearly Meeting would appreciate the opportunity to express their thoughts and concerns about this letter, the incident at the September conference, and other related topics. We also hoped to communicate to Friends throughout the Yearly Meeting that we welcome their input and involvement. Our first activity toward this end, the Listening Session co-sponsored with Ministry and Pastoral Care, on June 3, was very successful, with some 70 Friends participating. We gained significant amount of feedback, including communications sent before and after the event, from a very diverse group of Friends, and we are still processing this information. YPC will continue to share updates with Friends on our progress. There is no doubt that the input we've received so far is valuable to our process, and we welcome continued input.

As we go forward, and continue to labor with these concerns, YPC members agreed that there were several important factors that we hope Friends throughout BYM will take into consideration. First, we request that Monthly Meetings and individuals with concerns about the YFs' programs should address those concerns both to the YFs themselves and to YPC. The YFs Community and YPC need to hear directly from YM constituents about concerns they might have. This helps them and us to take responsibility for the YFs community, and it gives YFs the opportunity to learn about their relationship to the larger YM and to respond directly to those concerns. Please send concerns to both YPC and YFs c/o the Yearly Meeting Office, and the YM Office will forward them to the YFs' and YPC's Clerks.

Youth Programs Committee would also like to remind Friends that the programs for the YFs and Junior Young Friends (JYFs, for middle- school age youth) are run very differently. The JYFs Program is adult planned and coordinated with opportunities for the JYFs to experience running their own Meetings for Worship for the Conduct of Business. We hope that Friends will keep in mind that the difficulties YPC is currently addressing are not related to the JYF program.

We feel it is important for the Yearly Meeting to understand that neither YPC nor the Young Friends are failing. Issues like this are addressed periodically. The Young Friends community re- generates every five (5) years. Each generation has opportunities to address Quaker process, both in crisis and in community commitment. Each group finds its own strengths, and grows and develops through both trials and joys. Indeed, the very Gathering Expectations they embrace was generated through such a trial nearly twenty (20) years ago.

Young Friends' community, "built upon caring, trust, and love" may leave open the door for misbehavior. We openly recognize this. We would rather trust one who proves him/herself untrustworthy than lose the essence of this community. Our schools and our neighborhoods do not provide what our youth find here in Young Friends. We are in faith, with that love and trust we know as Quaker community, that the sad choices of a few who do not unite with us will not be seen as what the YF community truly is about.

Finally, we ask Friends to recognize that sex, drugs, and alcohol are prevalent in today's culture. When youth are found to be engaging in these activities in other, more hierarchical settings, they are often dealt with by a small group of adults, and few, if any, people in the larger community are even aware of what has occurred. Our Quaker process works best by bringing concerns into the Light, and ironically this means that we may appear to have more problems, when in fact, we are simply more aware of these problems.

We are planning a more thorough update on our activities at Annual Sessions. Meanwhile, please hold YPC and YF in the light as we move forward.

In the Light,
Ted Heck, Richmond Friends Meeting & Stephanie Bean, Adelphi Friends Meeting
Co-Clerks of BYM Youth Programs Committee
Betsy Tobin, Frederick Friends Meeting
Previous Co-Clerk of BYM Youth Programs Committee

Baltimore Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends

SUMMARY

of a Facilitated Listening Session on

Concerns and Hopes for the Young Friends Program

Sponsored by The BYM Youth Programs Committee

and the Ministry and Pastoral Care Committee

Held First Day, 3 June 2007 at Adelphi Friends Meeting House

Adelphi, Maryland

1 – OPENING The session began with a period of waiting worship in which all present settled while sirens whirred in the near background mixing with the sound of the trees blowing softly in the wind and the rain. Ted Heck (Richmond) and Stephanie Bean (Adelphi), co-clerks of Youth Programs Committee, welcomed all present. Nine members of the committee rose so that Friends could know them. The out-going co-clerk pointed out that the committee is now twice as large as a year ago. Lamar Matthew (Stony Run), clerk of Ministry and Pastoral Care, referenced Faith and Practice, quoting Stephen Crist (1653) “waiting on the Lord for the sincerity and fervency of the spirit.” Four members present from that committee also rose.

2 - PROCESS Ramona Buck (Patapsco) and Josh Riley (Hopewell Centre), designated facilitators, described this meeting as a “more structured threshing session” in which the goal is not to arrive at solutions. The co-facilitators requested silence between speakers, and noted that they would intervene periodically to name the issues being raised and the feelings being expressed. Ramona quoted Paul Tillich: “The first duty of love is to listen” and Krishnamurty: “When you are listening intently… you are listening to the feelings…to the whole of it, not part of it.”

3 – BACKGROUND Howard Fullerton (Sandy Spring), Presiding Clerk of Baltimore Yearly Meeting, described some of the events leading to this session. A letter from former Clerk, Lauri Perman, was distributed the Friday before Interim Meeting at which he became Presiding Clerk. This letter was widely distributed both then and later. The letter delineated some specific events, concerns and suggestions. She did not suggest the discontinuance of self-governance of Young Friends. Howard noted that this Meeting is the first step in a process which might later include a threshing session, but today is directed toward providing insight and suggestions to Youth Programs Committee which has been delegated the responsibility to guide Young Friends Programs, with the participation of Young Friends. The goal is to create the best youth program ever.

4- YOUNG FRIENDS MESSAGE Sean Wilner (Langley Hill), Clerk of Young Friends Executive Committee, read a message composed by Young Friends describing the organization and practice of the loving community which provides a sanctuary for youth and provides opportunities for their growth and development.

5 - Twenty-five Friends spoke during the ensuing three hours. Mid-way through the afternoon’s storms electric power was lost in the Meeting room. A brief break occurred between 2:45 and 3 p.m. Speaking was candid, presented by individuals of widely varying ages and perspectives.

All present who spoke recognized that the loving communities of Young Friends that have existed over many years are precious and valuable. Many who did not speak signified agreement with this sentiment. Nearly all likewise acknowledged that Young Friends have often, over the years, better exemplified a cohesive, spirit-led community struggling with issues and acting on behalf of the whole than have some Monthly Meetings.

Friends were admonished to consider the ‘opportunity costs’ – the voice and needs of those not present or most marginalized from Young Friends. These include the youth and adults who have opted out of the program due to real or perceived safety problems or program limitations and those shut out or asked to leave the community due to their failure to conform to the group’s expectations.

Likewise, all who spoke and many who signified their concurrence acknowledged that Young Friends need the support and guidance of older Friends, particularly in the areas of transmittal of the history and experience of Friends – including Young Friends – but also in other areas, such as physical and practical safety matters, and legal and other larger societal implications.

The session was permeated by concern that Baltimore Yearly Meeting (BYM) was countenancing the possibility of fundamentally changing Young Friends programs by stripping the youth and adults involved of the privilege of self-governance. This fear was present despite numerous statements to the contrary, including those of the Clerk of Yearly Meeting and the Clerk of Young Friends Executive that both past and present practice acknowledges the full participation of all present in discernment and decision-making at Young Friends events: that is, Friendly Adult Presences (FAPs) are welcomed as full members of the Young Friends community, valued for the knowledge they bring as well as their individual view-points.

Friends acknowledged that tensions with Young Friends programs and between Young Friends and the larger Baltimore Yearly Meeting community have occurred periodically over the years. In part, these are due to the role youth have in bringing new spiritual insights into the world. Such tensions may also reflect failures of the whole BYM community in providing needed presence and support for Young Friends.

Young Friends, Young Adult Friends, and older adults spoke of the need for Friendly Adult Presences (FAPs) in Young Friends programs. Friends expressed recognition of the fact that FAPs had been slow to act in some situations; others noted that better training and preparation of adults for the role is needed. One FAP brought the Young Friends practice of “dead bug” to the community, to the appreciation of all.

Friends were admonished that no community in the Spirit is truly self-governing, but rather that the community is governed by the Spirit in the context of the society within which it exists. Some Friends are fearful of the Religious Society giving too much credence to its social context; others expressed an absolute necessity for clear boundaries in behavior and use of property.

Individuals who have urged changes feel personally marginalized, despite their respect and admiration for Young Friends. Those who have been employed to assist youth programs in the Yearly Meeting note the difficulty of having responsibility without authority.

A number of Friends who were either currently or previously in the Young Friends program spoke about the positive and empowering effect that participation had had on them and on their lives. They expressed the strong hope that if any changes are made, they be made with the concurrence of Young Friends and that they be made within the framework of self governance.

6 – CLOSING Friends were urged to send additional thoughts to Youth Programs committee and Young Friends by way of the Yearly Meeting office. Friends requested that the notes of the Meeting be widely available. All present thanked the facilitators for their assistance.

The meeting concluded at 4:20 p.m. with worship.

70 Friends signed in (the sign-in sheet is available in PDF format)

Attached to this document is a summary of the Issues/Needs and Suggestions as compiled by Ramona Buck.

Summary prepared by Meg Meyer based on notes by herself, and Young Friends Rebecca Bacon and Josie LaBua. This summary has been reviewed by Ted Heck, Stephanie Bean, Howard Fullerton, Riley Robinson, Ramona Buck and Josh Riley.

A full transcript of the Listening Session and a full record of the charts as recorded at the time are available on request from the Baltimore Yearly Meeting office.

Issues/Needs

Appreciation of Young Friends:
Much gratitude and appreciation of Young Friends, their process, their love for each other, their dedication, their acceptance of all individuals in the group, and the need for Young Friends to feel supported, honored, and to continue. A need to continue self governance – a need to keep the possibility for young Friends to make mistakes and to be accepted and supported. A need to look at Self Governance and determine where it is not working so well and needs strengthening or revision. A need to determine how to deal with people who step outside the group expectations. A need to think about peer pressure and its impact on actions.

Guiding Behaviors: A request/need for honesty and trust. A need to have a safety net and protection from danger for all people in BYM A need to have the expectations for adult behavior and young people’s behavior at BYM events be the same.

Shared History: Would be helpful to have history of Young Friends available for subsequent generations.

Relationship between Young Friends and adult Friends:

Young Friends need help from adult Friends at times and need a structure/process for getting that help

Helpful to have expanded training for FAPS and possibly support for FAPS as well; the role of FAPS may need development and clarification; FAPS may need to be more assertive and/or may need to ask for help at times – how can FAPS be supported adequately?

A need for adult Friends to learn about Young Friends’ process and to appreciate the thought and time that is spent on self governance issues.

Other concerns:

A need to know the facts: what really happened at the events Lauri referred to

A need for everyone to feel empowered to act

A need to find out what young Friends think who have chosen not to participate – and why

Concern about legal issues

Suggestions:

Decisions regarding Young Friends might be made by a larger group – such as all Young Friends and some adults in a circle rather than by a few people (the Executive Committee, the Youth Secretary, etc.)

Consider how to have more involvement by adults in the Young Friends program. Develop a structure/process for Young Friends to seek adult help/advice/guidance

There should be a mission statement developed for the Young Friends Program and all the young people’s programs of BYM

Develop recruitment and expanded training and ongoing support for FAPS

Use the Internet to create a history and collaborative community

Have some discussion topics/trainings as part of the Young Friends program, such as Quaker history, topics, etc.

Consider whether Self Governance as it is currently constituted is a Quakerly concept or what additions might be made to connect it with the larger group (BYM).

Don’t throw out Self Governance, but work with the Young Friends to strengthen the program already in place

There is a a need to develop a process for Youth Programs Committee and others to use when established BYM procedure breaks down (this was expressed to RB by an individual at the conclusion of the listening session – this person had not had a chance to speak)

Recorded by Ramona Buck (Patapsco)

Message from Young Friends Gathered 5th Month 25-27, 2007 at Tandem Friends School, Charlottesville, VA

Since the founding of the Religious Society of Friends, Quakerism has been an ever changing, ever growing spiritual community. There have been many divisions over the years and from these separations, the religious community has grown. The Young Friends are still facing many challenges today. With every challenge we grow, and with every challenge, we learn about ourselves and each other, as well as the community of which we are a part. The majority of the founding Friends were Young Friends. Our religion is based off of a free spirit and open sharing worship that is Young Friends.

As the only truly self-governing Quaker youth body in the U.S., the Young Friends nominates a group of people that serve on a representative body known as the Executive Committee. These Friends represent the greater body of Young Friends. They work to facilitate Quaker process, spiritual growth, and the movement of day-in, day-out Young Friends business. The structure of our community is based off of a set of guidelines expressed in our Handbook, written and revised by Young Friends. Our community is almost identical to the adult BYM community, in our use of leadership and Quaker process—we’re just several years younger. The Young Friends Community holds weekend-long conferences four to five times a year, Friday nights through Sundays. We appoint conference planners who plan conference logistics, such as setting up workshops for Saturdays and loosely scheduling the gathering’s activities. Our meals are planned by food planners. The structure of the conferences is fully run, inside and out, by Young Friends. Friendly Adult Presences (FAPs) attend conferences as F/friends and to help in case of emergency. The FAPS are welcomed with open arms by the Young Friends community.

Our unique Young Friends conferences offer a sanctuary from the frenzied lives of the teens who attend. The community has become an important stepping stone on the way to maturity and spiritual recognition. The drive for leadership that our self-governance creates is of utmost importance to our community and its members. Exposure to this kind of responsibility is something that we feel helps us grow into more developed and more self aware contributing members of society. The atmosphere which we have created through many years of Young Friends’ strength and wisdom is a spiritually loving and welcoming home for the members of our community. It’s a place where we have fund and where everyone is loved.

When a Young Friend is at a conference, he or she is always being held in the Light. This empathetic love between peers is what initiates the celebration of us, as a community, that occurs at every conference. We fee that when we hold hands and express without speaking our prayer, the connection between us is even more obvious than when we interact within our lives. The Young Friends community has taught us to live the testimonies beyond memorizing them. For this, we are thankful.