Bethesda

• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2009
• Interchange, Winter 2010
• Interchange, Fall 2009
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2008
• Interchange, Spring 2009
• Interchange, Winter 2009
• Interchange, Fall 2008
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2007
• Interchange, Spring 2007
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2006
• Interchange, Fall 2006
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2005
• Interchange, Summer 2006
• Interchange, Spring 2006
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2004
• Interchange, Spring 2005
   
• Interchange, September 2004
• FUM Policy Concern
• Interchange, May 2004
• Spiritual State of Our Meeting - 2003
• Interchange, March 2004

Four themes emerged from the conversations that Ministry and Worship held with meeting attenders and members: First, the centrality of silence and the need to continue to learn and deepen its uses. Second, help the children, older and younger, to develop spiritually and as members (not just fringe) of the meeting community. Third, build the meeting community, welcoming and engaging newcomers and each other. Fourth, mind the transformation from intellectual to spiritual.

1. Silence and Meeting for Worship - The centerSilence, our most profound response to God, is the medium to a slower, quieter self and the means to being present at our center. It enables us to listen deeply, intuit the feeling underlying a message, and provide solace and healing. In silence, we hear more clearly what we are called to say and how to say it in the context of previous messages, building a corporate understanding and contributing to the possibility of a gathered meeting.

Our attempts to listen may cause us to question ourselves. One Friend noted, 'Sometimes I am led to wonder 'Why?' when a message is bothersome.' Another lamented that at times worship is not so much a shared experience as an experience focused on oneself.

We also wonder under what circumstances the person serving as Head of Meeting should speak up. Some of us want what we find inappropriate cautioned against quickly. Others want us to grow more tolerant and robust by sustaining worship despite distracting statements or noise. Early Friends kept meeting even after the authorities came into their worship places, overturning furniture and pushing them around. Friends simply went outside and worshipped there. We believe that we have made progress in developing a more robust tolerance for noise when the children come into meeting, people arrive late, someone goes out, or the door is open.

2. Children's spiritual development - Work in progressWe are concerned that we may not be serving our children well. How should we develop their understanding and appreciation for the fact that that we worship in silence? This fundamental idea must be passed along to our young Friends as part of their heritage.

As a meeting, we continue to be concerned about losing touch with our older children and youth. There are notable exceptions of individuals who work generously with our children. In general, however, we adults are not reaching out adequately to provide experiences that are satisfying in themselves and also build the children's sense of what it means to be a Friend. While we perceive progress in intergenerational contact, we also see the need for proactive outreach to families.

Some suggested activities that have helped teens to be engaged and grow: reading, regular social action (e.g., feeding people), social protest, and workcamps. Other possibilities include involving teens in committees, providing clerking experiences, and urging children to share a joy or sorrow at the end of meeting. The activity lists are, however, of limited use if we do not use them to demonstrate to the children we want them with us.

As one Friend said, 'While we do have young people who are engaged with us, we older members and attenders need to ask ourselves what we may do to reach out more effectively to our youth groups [so] they may come to know how much we value their participation in Meeting for Worship. We need also to make it clear that we do want to be available to them as they go through the tough transition from teen years with all the challenges that those years entail. Here there may be openings for some to step forward with a topic or Biblical story for study that might well be examined and thought through in discussions with our young members.'

3. Building our community - Welcoming newcomers and each otherTo strengthen our community, we must open ourselves generously as in the 'cheerfully' part of George Fox's admonition about 'answering to that of God' in everyone.

Some newcomers say they sense the caring in BFM for one another and for social justice. We also see that while, at first, newcomers are greeted, we may neglect them when they are no longer completely new, but still not easy joining the circles that form during coffee hour, let alone participating in the business of the meeting. We need to make sure everyone is engaged in our community. One Friend said that he had felt the need to share experience with a group so he wouldn't feel alone. As he expressed this he evoked, unknowingly, the practice of worship sharing.

The work we must engage in is consistent with our common desire for exchanges that are genuine, open, and thoughtful. Our empathy became engaged and we were challenged as a Friend said 'We are all trying to grow and all need help to do so, even the awkward speaker who talks too much or too strangely. Keep him/her here rather than pushing them away. Help her/him.' Another said 'we are responsible for the corporate state of the meeting - must support it in many ways so it stays healthy and grows (perhaps in numbers, but spiritual growth is primary) - welcome others, especially families.'

One worrisome response voiced continuing discomfort with the minute we sent in response to a 2008 request from BYM for input about its relationship with FUM. We prepared our response after many sessions of various sorts (e.g., worship-sharing, informative, threshing) and after reaching a sense of the meeting that our advice was to end the formal relationship. Nonetheless, this Friend said that 'those who were strident' held sway over the outcome. There are those in the meeting with whom this statement resonated. Others found the decision to be rightly ordered and derived from a process that they described as gathered and profound. The worrisome aspects of this discomfort include the fact that some Friends did not feel able to voice their concerns either at the time the minute was being considered or since then, until speaking about the spiritual state of our meeting. Does this apparent reticence suggest a lack of trust on this issue, and perhaps others, that we need to address?

As we reflect further, we recognize times when we were generous and our giving was welcome. One Friend spoke of the concern for him expressed when he was dealing with a stressful home situation. He was touched and very appreciative. Friends also were grateful for activities engaged in by BFM as a community, such as potlucks, the Spring Fling, and Catoctin weekends. Activities like these help new and old become or stay involved in the meeting community, feeling they belong to something substantial.

One Friend celebrated the meeting's rich and complicated sense of community as cherished in DC, where such community is rare.' Another that the meeting community 'allows and encourages folks to leave past failings behind and strive to be the best they can be.' Others spoke of an atmosphere that is not too theistic and where spirituality does not depend on dogma, a community and the individuals in it that are not self-important, and the practice of sharing of a spiritual search or journey.

4. From intellectual to spiritual - Listen with all you haveThe question of what is 'spiritual' was raised several times. Two descriptions were quite thoughtful. First that 'a spiritual person is peaceful, well-centered, and a careful listener at peace with self.' Second, Quaker history emphasizes 'the passage in Galatians enumerating the 'fruits of the spirit.' Teaching those to children should show them how to handle difficult others - it is a source of power.'

One Friend offered this: 'I can understand, and sometimes even feel upset as well, about current crises or events but I need and want to deepen my spiritual development and this brief time on First Day is special/rare---I need and want the solace and guidance of reaching within to listen for God's guidance, especially when I am struggling with some of my own work and activities.'

As we discussed ways to develop spiritually and to apply spiritual gifts, we returned to our first theme. Humans are inherently spiritual and we must relate to each other openly. We must consider each offered message through what it may mean to its bearer. The responsibility to do so stems from our belief that one's spiritual center can find the best in others since it is the seat of the inner light. The attempt may open an opportunity to take the message deeper. That is another responsibility. It is also a form of welcoming born of a generous energy that transforms our openness and that of seekers who come to us into insight, focus, and, perhaps, centered depth. The extent to which we offer such welcome is an index of the health of our generosity, vulnerability, and vitality.

In conclusion, part of being a Friend is growing in the light. We cannot grow unless we use our life force energy to reach out, cheerfully and deliberately to others in the world. As we progress, our life force may grow palpable to others, resonant and compelling. Our giving may become the practice of generosity--constantly providing assistance. Children are naturally vital and open. In time, these gifts may energize their acquisition of insights, generosity, and focus. Such growth may be expedited if adults, using our own generosity, model our spiritual gifts in ways the children may observe, understand, and apply. And we may regain childlike delight as one of our resources.

Our clearest message, this year, was a powerful desire to deepen our spirituality. In worship we are engaged in ways that can move us from insight to depth of understanding, from focus to centeredness, from giving on occasion to being generous by nature, and - strange as it may seem - from being open sometimes to accepting and then embracing the vulnerability that comes as a necessary complement to openness and which is required to fully realize our potential. As these transformations unfold, our insights accumulate until we reach a point where depth is our milieu. Our ability to focus also deepens as we grow more capable of finding our center, the place where our 'That of God' is, and that connects us to others and to the universe. Truly centered, we stand in the light rid of roles, cares, pretense, and vanity. We can only approach such a place in the company of our beloved friends.

Life is full of changes and transitions, and the life of a Meeting is no different. Long-time members Jane and Bob Nutter have moved to Salt Lake City to live next door to one of their daughters. They became members of Bethesda in the early years of our Meeting, becoming loyal lobbyists for FCNL. We miss their laughter, stories, “historic memory,” and general support.

Changes occur, also, in the ways in which we incorporate our children into the life of our Meeting. After many years of beginning Meeting for Worship with them present, we are now experimenting with bringing them into Meeting at the end of the hour. Nurturing our youth is one of the more important calls we are trying to answer within our community.

Celebrating the lives of those who are no longer with us is also part of a living Meeting. We were privileged to share in the life of Mariah Steinwinter Kochavi, who died from complications following a stroke. We also recently celebrated the life of Hans Muller, husband of long-time member Tilly Muller.

BYM is sponsoring Arthur Larrabee and his traveling workshop Clerking and Leadership in Quaker Meetings & Committees at Bethesda on Saturday, February 20th from 9:00 – 3:30. We hope to see many of you at our Meeting then (contact the YM office for more details).

Moved, in part, by the initiative of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, a group of 14 Friends met throughout the summer to read and discuss the book Right Relationship: Building a Whole Earth Economy -- written by Quakers Peter G. Brown and Geoffrey Garver. The book asks "What is an economy for?" (among other questions) and explores a new economic model that combines awareness of ecological limits with a focus on fairness and spiritual well-being of the human race. Moving into autumn, we will try different ways to translate these principles into specific actions that Friends can take in the Meeting, in our families, within the community, across the region, and to work for changes in national policy. What are other Friends doing on this topic at your Meeting? We would like to hear. Email: bethesdafm@igc.org.

In considering the Spiritual State of our Meeting Community this year, we looked at the extent to which we are a centered meeting. We held two focused opportunities for small group discussions, as well as noting comments made more informally. We asked five questions:

• What does centering mean to you?
• How well do we center for Meeting for Worship?
• As a community, are we more centered, or more scattered?
• What might we do to be more centered more of the time?
• How well does our community nourish and inform your spiritual development?

These resulted in a series of rather wide-ranging, challenging, and enlightening discussions summarized here.

Conversation around the meaning of centering went in two directions; Centering as an individual activity, and centering as a corporate undertaking. Personal centering was described as a process of pulling the attention inward, of trying to be present in the moment. It is deeper and more spiritual than focusing, which is felt by some to be a more mental process. Centering has a physical element as the breathing slows and one becomes aware of visceral clues. Some feel that effective centering begins before Meeting starts; some arrive early to settle, and others try to find ways to settle while driving or walking to the meeting house. One friend found that a sort of mantra – God loves us, God loves this meeting, God loves this meeting through the message-giver – was powerfully helpful in preparing for Meeting for Worship. Others use prayers, images, and poems like icons to gain access to the presence of God.

We find that when the Meeting for Worship is collectively centered, the quality of the silence as well as the messages is different. When messages build on one another, developing or expanding upon the messages that come before, centering arises, while a more fluttered Meeting results when messages come too close together or are jarringly different in theme or tone. This latter phenomenon suggests a need for our meeting to improve its listening skills and habits and to find bridges between apparently divergent messages. Some find that the Meeting centers earlier when the children don’t come in until later, while others find the arrival of the children energizing in itself; we are seeking ways to make the presence of our children a rich Meeting experience for child and adult alike. The very presence of certain members of the meeting sometimes helps us center.

There is some difference of opinion on the question of how well we center for Meeting for Worship. Some feel we do it quite well, especially when compared to larger meetings or those with a larger proportion of visitors to regular attenders and members. It was noted that the ongoing Experiment with Light sessions based on Rex Ambler’s book Light to Live By has helped some approach centering more effectively. Others feel we don’t do it easily, in as much as we are a collection of folks with many facets to our lives, Bethesda Monthly Meeting being but one. We sometimes lament the fact that we gather only for worship, and find other communities for other needs. It was mentioned that we have lost a common core of reading and reflecting. While we have forums on the Bible and Quaker writings, it was suggested that online discussions could enhance our common knowledge. We struggle with the diversity of cultures in our meeting, sometimes failing to recognize and appreciate the significance of a practice or symbol before pointing out its divergence from Quaker tradition; one gave an example of a First Day School lesson on simplicity that inadvertently was felt as a criticism of a culture that remembers and reveres departed family members with metal bracelets. We examined ways to make our clearness process more of a gift than a burden, speaking of a need to convey responsibility while being welcoming and affirming.

There is a similar range of thought on the question of how centered we are as a community. It was noted that other communities rely more on their meetings for their social relationships, while we are busier and have less time to gather outside of Meeting for Worship. We find that the fact that the meeting is not the primary community for many makes it difficult to address some needs. Some find that the lack of our own meeting house works against centeredness as we find we cannot have a spontaneous gathering or freely access the library during the week. Most felt that as a result of constant attention, we do a remarkably good job of being centered, especially when one considers the possible distractions. We noted that our examination of our relationship to Friends United Meeting has led us to consider a number of aspects of our community, including openness and centeredness.

We asked what we might do to be more centered more of the time. Some asked if this was needed. Others asked if it was possible given the nature of the community. Some suggested opportunities to gather before Meeting for Worship – having coffee hour before Meeting, or holding 9:30 programs as a warm-up to centering. We need to remind ourselves that it takes time and energy from each of us to create a centered Meeting. The extent to which more of us can be in worship before Meeting begins will enhance the experience for all.

Our question about our community’s effect on spiritual development sparked some discussion around the meaning of the term spiritual. Some felt it was difficult to describe, while others characterized it as “whatever is beyond.” We came to recognize that we all have a spiritual journey, even if some of us have more dramatic milestones than others. We place much value in simply coming together quietly, and we find relatively brief messages that are more universal and related to other messages enhance a centered Meeting more easily.

In short, we are a meeting that puts thought and attention toward the effort to be centered, both within the Meeting for Worship and as a spiritual community. It is felt that we have made much progress, but we have a ways to go in our quest to have “gathered” Meetings, perhaps in worship sharing sessions and other assemblages dedicated to centering. We know that we will be a stronger meeting to the extent that we include our children and youth, and we continue to struggle to find ways to do so effectively. We find that as we attend to our personal centering, we contribute to collective centering, which helps bring about the centered working community we seek.

We were privileged to once again bring Arthur Larrabee to Baltimore Yearly Meeting for a one-day workshop on Quaker Process as it applies to both Meeting for Business and Committee Meetings. Arthur does not just lecture, but brings the participants into the discussion. We were also fortunate to have a variety of Friends from various Meetings who were willing to share their experiences and questions with the group and Arthur. We discussed many things but prominently among them were “shared expectations,” “the goal of Friends’ decisions: a Spirit-led sense of the Meeting of what God wants us to do,” and a sense of “unity rather than unanimity.” It was a rich day for us and we thank all who attended!

Bethesda formed an ad hoc committee to recommend ways our Meeting might implement the Minute sent to Yearly Meeting in May of 2008 in response to BYM's request for advice about association with Friends United Meeting. The committee has met five times and has consulted several of the standing committees of Bethesda as well as individuals from other Meetings in both dual membership Yearly Meetings and in FUM-only Yearly Meetings. We are mindful that our challenge includes the need for both external and internal dialogue. We seek new and more fruitful ways to sustain — or enhance — our relationships within the wider Quaker community, as we are clear we grow in Spirit from these relationships. Yet we are not comfortable being affiliated, through our membership in BYM, with an organization whose policies are inconsistent with what we understand to be one of the fundamental testimonies of Friends. At the same time, we also are exploring how our Meeting can be more welcoming and inclusive internally. As one Friend suggested when consulted about opportunities to build relationships with Monthly Meetings in FUM, "our goal should not be to know people but to love people — after all, how well do we really know ourselves?"

Bethesda held a series of five Adult Religious Education forums around the issues of BYM’s relationship with FUM. Outside speakers ranged from Quakers raised in the FUM tradition (from within the U.S., Kenya, and Palestine) and from area BYM leaders who have served on FUM’s board. Bethesda wishes to express our appreciation to all who participated, noting that no one turned us down and that all found their way open to participate on the date we requested. We are now actively exploring what it means to us (in the language of our Minute to BYM) to “seek to sustain and broaden our own Meeting’s dialogue with FUM and its constituent Meetings.... We recognize we are also challenged to seek new, creative, and more fruitful ways both to sustain our historical connections with FUM as part of the wider Quaker community, and to continue our efforts to reach unity with them on this specific issue [the personnel policy].”

As we think about the spiritual state of Bethesda Friends Meeting this spring, we do so against the background of reconsidering our relationship with Friends United Meeting. This process has been difficult but also spiritually and personally rich for many people in our Meeting. We have learned a great deal about our diversity of beliefs and opinions, and are convinced of the need to make sure all of us are cared for and embraced, as we continue to struggle with a way forward. We have become clear that our deepest spiritual commitment means we stay together as a community while we labor with this question, and that we do not move until we find a sense of the Meeting that all can share.

A goodly number of members and attenders, including a couple of children, responded to the invitation from Ministry and Worship to consider five questions related to our spiritual state. Out of these responses, which are summarized below, we find that many come to Meeting with the same hopes for spiritual enrichment and peace, and that they are often refreshed and feel a sense of a community that is spiritually searching and rewarding.

What do you bring to Meeting?

Yearning and hope, but also a struggle with the incursions of problems and concerns of the world are repeated themes. While one member humbly thought he brought “very little” to the Meeting, in the next breath he said, “calm presence” and a “strong spiritual core,” both of which are vital contributions. Some felt, like Martha in the Bible, that their major contribution was financial or service-oriented, and that perhaps they were not ones who felt comfortable speaking. But even some of these folks admitted that they also brought an “intention to listen for that of God within myself and others,” or “a ready ear to listen, ready hand to help, and ready feet to go with and where the Meeting needs me.” “I would like to say I bring a loving willingness to share a special reflection if prompted by the Spirit,” another member said, but she is not always sure she knows when that prompting is happening. Another said she brings “a deep and profound love of our Meeting,” and feels it “is a rope securing my moorings; an anchor through troubled times.” A child said she brings “peace and love.”

What do you receive from Meeting?

The major response here was the sense of community, of spiritual nurturing, fellowship, and of calm and peace. “I feel gathered in God’s name,” wrote a member, while another said it made him feel “rooted in a rootless society.” Meeting is a place where we can “[listen] to others, their inspiration, their struggle, hopes, and experiences.” It is a place to receive “spiritual nourishment” and “the friendship and fellowship” of others. It brings “all the benefits of silence [with the] absence of the dailyness of life.” “I benefit greatly from heartfelt messages that speak to me,” one member wrote, “and from an appreciation of others in the Meeting.” Another member said that she feels deep gratitude in the silence of the Meeting; “the searching I do, I can do nowhere else so deeply as in this sharing room of other searching spirits.” One member noted a feeling of special support from the Meeting when his father died. The child said that she receives from Meeting a sense of calm.

What keeps you coming to Meeting?

Gratitude was a repeated response as well as a need for silence, for refreshment, for peace. “I need to understand what is meaningful and bigger than myself and my immediate family,” wrote one parent, while another commented, that it is “a community of concern” that provides “an environment for raising our kids.” “I keep coming to Meeting as I cannot imagine myself not,” said one Friend, who added: “Of course not every Meeting for worship is inspired or revelatory, but even its sometimes-ordinariness is endearing, and the greeting of like-minded friends is itself a giving and exchanging.” “I really like being part of a community where the assumption is that one has a spiritual life,” wrote one woman, “that one can be a seeker, not have the answers, and yet still be a deeply spiritual person.” Two other Friends echoed these thoughts. One said that she is looking for the Light within herself and her neighbor; “I continue to come back searching to be known, and by being known, to be loved,” she wrote. A second remarked on “the quality of the silence,” “the freedom to explore my inner beliefs and feelings, [and] the chance to five to others.” Another Friend wrote that her need to go to Meeting is so strong, she will sometimes attend churches in foreign countries, or find other Meetings that extend the feeling of Quaker fellowship.

What do you think the spiritual state of the Meeting is?

The responses here were more diverse and reflected some sense of uncertainty about how to respond to this question. “Dynamic,” “changing,” “shifting,” and “alive,” were some of the terms used about the Meeting. Someone thought that the recent discussions involving FUM have awakened the Meeting; “we need to challenge ourselves and each other more explicitly,” he said. Someone else added that these discussions have helped us to learn and listen “to one another thoughtfully and prayerfully,” and to be more aware of the need to be more welcoming of difference in our midst. While one person felt that we tend to be “possessed” by politics at times, others wrote that “political action follows silent meditation,” and that “people are trying hard to understand and work within the Quaker process.” Someone remarked on the lack of leadership from younger (30s, 40s) members of the Meeting, while another person commented that we should “nurture more leadership within” the Meeting, and that people should be encouraged to participate, since some may not feel that we would value their gifts or experiences. Another member is concerned about “the spiritual state of our young people’s Meeting,” remarking that there “is generally very little vocal ministry during the first 15 minutes of our Meeting while the young folks are still there.” While noting some of our weaknesses, most respondents had a positive feeling about the spiritual state of our Meeting. “The quality of the Meeting depends upon what each of us make[s] of it and what we contribute to each other,” one Friend wrote. Another said, “I am sure that the Meeting cannot answer the needs and wants of all who come to us, nor all who stay in continuing search, but the continuing health of the meeting seems to me to indicate that our spiritual state is probably sound and satisfying for many of us and for [the] others we must examine ourselves and try to be open to needs we are blind to or don’t meet.”

How can the spiritual state of the Meeting be improved?

Friends expressed a desire for “continued openness to difference”; for “a willingness to hear unhappiness or concern about whether the Meeting is as welcoming as we believe.” “The Meeting could do more to honor and celebrate the spiritual, cultural, ethnic, and gender diversity that is already in our midst.” “We want to be more self-examining all through the year, carefully monitoring ourselves in hospitality to visitors and new attenders.” Spiritually, “we need to pray, think, and work to improve the quality of our vocal ministry to one another. Some souls are troubled and speak in a quirky manner or even leave the Meeting. Have we followed up with them as well as we might? We often have too many, ill-considered messages” that sound like quasi-religious book or film reviews, rather than messages that are led by the Spirit. Everyone must realize that each of us has a collective responsibility “for the quality of our Meeting’s spiritual state.” The quality of listening is as important as the quality of speaking. We should listen to find something of value in each message, and not just think about what we might want to say next. It would behoove us to “listen more and speak only when [we] cannot remain sitting any longer, keeping in mind that the best messages come from the heart and are short and succinct.” One Friend suggested using resources such as Pendle Hill to help “cultivate the spirit in our midst”; we sponsor many events that focus on social action but few on nurturing the spirit. We should have a “wider appreciation of what a gathered Meeting is, and how to work towards it.”

Summary

The voices we have heard tell us that while most seem to feel they are participating in a meaningful religious experience at our Meeting, there is room for growth and improvement. The soul-searching and concerns voiced above are indicative of a Meeting that is alive, self-aware, and striving to improve our individual and collective spiritual lives.

Our Peace & Social Justice Committee will be hosting a worship-sharing session on what we can do to contribute to peace in Israel/Palestine on Sunday, March 4 at 12:30 pm at our Meeting House.

In polarized situations, what constructive role can Quakers contribute? How can we respond with compassion for the suffering on all sides of conflicts, resisting temptations to see things as good guys vs. bad guys, and trusting that responding with compassion to one side does not preclude or diminish compassion for the suffering on other sides? How do we create an environment in which we feel at ease in talking about issues we feel strongly about and that we may disagree on? We hope that this will be an opportunity to hear voices we don’t usually hear from or pay enough attention to. All are welcomed to attend with a brown-bag lunch. Please contact Jane Meleney Coe at (301) 320-5083 or info@bethesdafriends.org for more information.

This year again, our assessment of the Spiritual State of the Meeting leads us to acknowledge the strengths of the Meeting, to be reminded of its challenges, and to consider how we might more closely approach the Spiritual State we seek. Having sought individual assessments from all members and attenders, requested the views of the many committees of BFM, posed questions to the teachers of our children, held an after-Meeting forum on the Spiritual State of the Meeting, and having reflected on the views expressed in a prior Meeting for Business, we offer the following.

On most Sundays, for most members and attenders, the spiritual depth of Meeting for Worship meets clear needs. Speaking for many, one of us wrote “Our Meeting is a very special, precious place. For me it is a blessed encounter with silence, an opportunity to listen for guidance, sometimes for inner peace, or sometime meditate in a search for personal peace. There is a quiet healing in silence. It opens up room for love.” As others wrote, “It provides a weekly space to me to delve into my inner soul, seek truth and clarity, and also to feel the active presence of others doing the same.” “The Meeting is a refuge of calm…” And “We love our meeting and cannot imagine ever allowing ourselves to live far away from it.”

And virtually all of those conscious of their spiritual journeys testify that the Meeting has been near-essential. “Indeed, it has become a spiritual forum for my own spiritual queries.” “Frequently, I hear a comment or insight that is very helpful as I sort through my own internal meanderings. And the presence of the gathered meeting is very important to me, offering a supportive embrace I treasure and a space in which to refresh and renew my own energies.” “Finding the Society of Friends in the little preparative Bethesda Friends Meeting 37 years ago was life-changing… There were seasoned committed Friends from the beginning to instruct, educate and nourish me into understanding and spiritual focus.”

Yet several concerns are expressed about Meeting for Worship. The deepest concerns and those most commonly expressed are these: that many messages tread too quickly on the silence necessary to absorb and reflect on what has gone before; that some messages are rambling, long and unclear; that occasional messages are more political than spiritual; and that some are delivered in a tone not of searching but of certitude. Another concern is that during the first part of Meeting, too few of us speak in terms meaningful to the children then with us.

We seek to deal with each. Accordingly, the Meeting has concluded that we must find better ways of helping sometime attenders, and others, to better understand the integrity of silence and the nature of messages that are truly spirit-led. “However we do this,” as one member reminded us, “we need to realize that …conveying the spirit of vocal ministry needs our constant nurturing.” We have similarly concluded to offer channels other than Meeting for Worship for expressing our anguish over America’s current militancy and what might be done in response; we hope thereby to better serve both our worship and our peace testimony. And we are all reminded of the importance of messages that speak to the children while they are with us.

Do members and attenders experience Bethesda Friends Meeting as a caring community? Certainly those who allow the meeting to know their needs have so experienced it. Those for whom a wedding or a memorial meeting were prepared, for example, have especially made clear the extent of the care, concern and spiritual connection they felt. And for its part, the Pastoral Care Committee is “humbled as we see how bravely and wisely many go through enormous life changes. We struggle to give them the support they need…. We are also humbled by the limits to our own ability to help.” Many seeking only spiritual colleagueship find it as well, though only within limits. As a newer member has written, “I am quite pleased by the space BFM has created and welcomed me into.” But she then noted that many BFM members are more deeply involved in demanding occupations and competing concerns, and perhaps not as open to new relationships, as were members of her prior Meeting. Echoing that point, another member reported that “The Meeting often feels impersonal to me. It functions well and creates a spiritual space, but only a few people seem really friendly, willing to open themselves up to interpersonal exchanges.” It is feelings of this kind that have led the Advancement and Outreach Committee to experiment with a “getting to know you” table at each potluck. Others have proposed that since relationships are most likely to arise from common skills or interests, greater effort should be made to bring newer members and attenders into first day teaching, into the older women’s group, Spring Fling work or BFM committees matched to their interests. Our hope is that this will give newcomers a wider circle of colleagues and acquaintances in the Meeting, and at the same time bring new sources of energy to the Meeting’s work.

Probably the greatest challenge the Meeting faces is in making effective its Peace Testimony. While domestic needs for social justice are many and profound, the meeting can help meet some of them directly. Accordingly, it contributes a substantial portion of its budget to some 30 Quaker and non-Quaker organizations serving social needs, and many members individually support such entities, or work or volunteer with them. But we find making the Peace Testimony effective far harder, and a source of continuing concern. Our location makes it relatively easy for members and attenders to lobby the Congress or engage in national demonstrations. Even so, as members write, “We need to think harder, more creatively, and more often collectively about how to give effective voice and witness to our peace testimony,” We are “perhaps overly comfortable and don’t take the risks that our Quaker forebears experienced” one of the Meeting’s committees commented. And speaking for many, a member wrote that “I would deeply love to think of ways that we might become newly effective peacemakers or peace builders, and thus give renewed witness to our peace testimony. I search for such ways and feel frustrated at my inadequate imagination.”

To help in that search, the Peace and Social Justice committee will include FCNL’s legislative action alerts in the Meeting’s weekly bulletin. It will also serve as a resource for after-meeting discussions when political issues are raised during worship. And we recognize that, not only through efforts of the Meeting itself, but through the work of many of its members and attenders, and of organizations we help support, the chances for mutual understanding and more peaceable resolution of conflict are in fact being slowly advanced. Though we will continue to seek changes in our national political climate, we also know that many ways of peace-seeking do not depend on changes in national policy.

One of our members, having acknowledged the Meeting’s shortcomings, went on to describe its Spiritual strengths this way. “The last five years or so have given us many new young families, a great gift to our Meeting. They seek in their lives the spiritual roots and path they believe us to have. They give great energy to our Meeting, and allow us to believe we are indeed an alive and accepting community, and make us want to respond to their needs… That we do not yet answer everyone’s expectations gives us plenty to strive for. I think the spiritual state of the Meeting is lively and, while sometimes uneven, is rich and offers often meetings of transcendent depth. I am profoundly grateful for our Meeting.”

She spoke for many.

Bethesda Friendly Eights has become an increasingly well attended event at Bethesda in the last two years. In order to accommodate the busy schedules of our urban lives, we have two distinct programs: one for adults only and a mixed group with families. We now have two sign-up periods (September and January) for the standard round robin of eight, plus we encourage people to sign up for specific months when they know they cannot attend all six months of dinners. Our list of “alternates” has grown to fill in tables when there is an absence of a regular member. It is our hope that friendships arising from these dinners will naturally progress into small interest groups within our meeting.

Births: Aidan Hickley born July 30, 2006, to Susan Rich and Mark Hickey.

The spiritual state of Bethesda Friends Meeting arises out of the spiritual state of the individuals who are part of it. Many find a welcoming spiritual home here. Through the meeting we find guidance from the shared experience of the divine Light. Our spiritual state exists not only in our individual actions, but in our practices and interactions with each other. This report is based on written and verbal responses from individuals and committees to several queries from the Ministry and Worship Committee.

Our Worship Together

Many in our community are satisfied or pleased with their experience of meeting for worship. Individuals come for "the quiet and the messages, and to hear the whisper of God in my busy life." Or to feel "connected to others seeking a common truth, and caring."

We had an unusual number of memorial meetings in the past year. In a 5-month period of last winter and spring, there were 7 memorial services. In one case, the family was moved and comforted by writing the memorial minute to be read at the meeting. In others, the minute was written by members of our meeting. These memorials gave us rich glimpses into the spiritual nature and meaningful lives of those remembered. The Hospitality Committee gave exceptional support in providing food for each Memorial service that was held.

Yet, not everyone is fulfilled in our meeting. One long-time attender, who did not feel called to membership, had a strong opinion that our ways of doing things were not sufficiently grounded in Quaker history and tradition. We were disappointed that our efforts to respond to these concerns were not satisfactory. Another member overheard a remark that could be inhibiting, but is probably not uncommon, "When there are a lot of messages, I just try to tune them out." Messages expressing emotional needs could be disturbing to others' tranquility, but also raised our awareness and challenged us to be considerate and respectful.

One new attender said she found it hard to focus in meeting for worship on what she was "supposed to" (think about). Others agreed that it was hard to center; "your mind wanders," and is "running through lists of things (one) should have done." But we are "influenced by those who sit quietly," knowing we have a "place for self-examination, and working on the same human failings." We have "a context to examine the same things over and over." There is "a deeper thread" than what runs through our everyday job.

In response to our queries, another person comes back to meeting for worship precisely because it is a place of caring where he can evaluate his spiritual condition, and "I haven't straightened that out yet." A student said that it is hard to center at home alone; the meeting is better for centering because it is more “present.” Another said that "some profound spiritual experiences did not happen in meeting", but that on the way to meeting "I reach a sweet spot and enter into Light, warmth, and gentleness." One man feels a lot of pressure from our culture to embrace buying or be competitive or avoid dialogue, and feels that he tends to get lost, but in this place he can renew his frame of reference, and constantly find himself again.

Caring for Each Other

Our life together creates opportunities as well as a sense of obligation to join in shared activities: monthly potlucks, Friendly 8's, the sewing group, the older women's groups, preparations for the Christmas Pageant, and the Spring Fling for Ramallah Schools.

Informal relationships are also important. For many we are "a really wonderful mix of people" and "a strong and supportive faith community." The meeting can be "a caring and supportive community that is always there to help an individual or group that comes to the forefront as needing assistance." One responder described feeling "surrounded with love and concern" in a time of need, such as illness or a death in the family.

Our meeting united in its support of a member who was excluded from Baltimore Yearly Meeting activities involving youth, without having what we considered to be a proper Quaker process.

The Ministry and Worship Committee approved and made available to the meeting a pamphlet, “Advice Concerning Marriage under the Care of Bethesda Friends Meeting.”

Acting in the World

From our spiritual foundation, the meeting reaches out to the world around us in various ways, both locally and beyond. BFM helped house and support a family who were homeless due to the New Orleans flood, and eventually helped them move into a Friendly Gardens apartment. Many join in preparing and distributing Christmas food bags to all the households at Friendly Gardens Apartments. Students raise money to purchase books for the Martin Luther King Elementary School library and take part in a mini-walkathon for the homeless. The meeting began to offer the Lee Stern Peace Award at three local public high schools.

This past year's world events have had an impact on our meeting. Hurricane Katrina's destruction of the Gulf Coast was felt as a blow, and the federal government's poor response gave added distress. After another hurricane in Texas, it seemed difficult to garner enough aid for more distant disasters, such as an earthquake in Pakistan and flooding in Guatemala. In Iraq, the kidnapping of the Christian Peacemakers Team, the killing of Tom Fox and holding the others for 4 months, called forth many prayers, an on-line petition, interfaith gatherings, and vigils at Langley Hill Meeting. A growing concern about the genocide in Darfur has stimulated a call for action among us. Recently we held a faith sharing about the use of torture by our military.

BFM gave financial support to 19 Quaker and community organizations, and made special contributions to assist victims of the Asian tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. Through the Peace and Social Justice Committee, we provide encouragement and support to many individuals working on specific leadings and concerns. The vigil marking the anniversary of the beginning of the Iraq War was particularly moving for those who participated.

First Day School

We continue to be strengthened and energized by the presence of our children and young people. The First Day School enrolled over 50 students during the past year, from preschool through high school. Each age group had two or more devoted teachers to guide them during the year. This year, an ad hoc committee developed guidelines and procedures to assure child safety when in the care of the meeting. Consideration of this concern encouraged us to reevaluate how to lovingly support and protect both the children and those who serve as teachers and caregivers.

Adult Religious Education

The many excellent offerings of the adult religious education committee have been very helpful in self-evaluation. The regular series on individual spiritual journeys has been important to many. "Hearing of others' spiritual progress or conditions makes me look at my own and ask myself questions, sometimes hard questions." Forums on Quaker practice and history were described as "wonderful sessions for those who hope to take the process (of spiritual progress) one step further."

The clerk of BYM Committee on Ministry and Pastoral Care has asked us: “Are we careful not to close the doors to newcomers and to each other? Are our minds and hearts open to all in love and understanding so we build trust and honesty with each other?” We are aware that we have not always been able to meet those expectations.

Some long-standing members and attenders have greatly reduced their attendance because of angry words or hurtful criticism by others. Some have felt a lack of cooperation or support. One person wrote: "There are people whose testimony I valued, who have left the meeting, or at least are staying away, due to differences either individual or philosophic with other members. What has driven these people away?” We were told that those attending meeting for worship may at times be insensitive to the needs of others. Some of us may need to "show more patience and understanding (with those who) delay seeking membership." It is noted that Ministry and Worship and Pastoral Care Committees made significant efforts to address some situations where people felt hurt.

One member has resigned because “…I’ve been disappointed by the lack of Christ, or perhaps better put, of his centrality in a Christian church… I’m not sure that’s what George Fox had in mind back then.” Another has been troubled by hearing dismissive or derogatory remarks about Christians and Christianity.

Some find it difficult to attend regularly because of complicated, busy lives. A member objected to our policy of having latecomers wait in the library until the children leave, expressing a feeling of being excluded. Was this literal closing of the doors consistent with our intention to be welcoming to all? Another thought this policy may appear to be "forcing people away, not being open and welcoming, and (saying to them) you don't measure up." Some express appreciation for the policy, as it allows time to center more fully. The Ministry and Worship Committee has tried to answer some of these concerns by arranging a circle of chairs in the library, to allow worship to begin there. In addition, an audio system was installed so that messages from the meeting room can be heard.

We were asked to note “the absence of a voice in Meeting for Worship about the outrageous actions of our countrymen and women (particularly about torture). ...What has happened to our outrage? We seem to have no vehicle, method, openness for addressing within the meeting the concern many feel.” Several questioned whether the meeting does enough to “help us evaluate our own spiritual progress or condition.” Another pointed out our perennially unresolved question about seemingly “political” messages: “How well have we struck the balance of acknowledging the outside world that impinges upon us, while maintaining a spiritual basis for the sharing that occurs in meeting for worship?”

Can we continue to discern actions that will shine light into dark places, and bring more peace and comfort to a world that seems in dire need of it? Will we better recognize and resolve conflicts that may arise within our meeting? Will we resist the temptation to stand in judgment of others? Will we strive to be sensitive to the needs and concerns of others, whether newcomers, regular attenders, or members? Will we work to understand and accept the many different faith traditions and ways of seeking the Truth among those who worship with us?

We continue to seek together for divine guidance.

Locating a Meeting in an urban/suburban neighborhood brings its own challenges. A short time ago when signs were posted on the streets surrounding our Meetinghouse, announcing new parking restrictions (only with a local residential permit), BFM was a bit nonplussed. Although we have been in this community for a very long time, this made us aware that we have never effectively reached out to the neighborhood. We recently invited our neighbors to a potluck, and are interested in other ways to continue to foster amicable ties. If Interchange readers have suggestions for good neighborhood relationships, please contact Andrei Kirilenko at kirilenkoandrei@yahoo.com.

Working with due Quaker haste, the "Oversight & Pastoral Care Committee" began seeking clarity on its name in 2003. In late 2005 we reached clearness and renamed the committee concerned with the care and support of Bethesda's members and attenders the "Pastoral Care Committee" (PCC).

PCC is re-establishing a support group active In our Meeting in the late 90s: "Transition, Loss, and Caring." This group, led by Elizabeth Conklin and Margaret Plank, will facilitate worship­sharing around the challenging changes we are finding in our lives around the issues of many different types of transitions, caring for loved ones, and loss.

Our spirit sings from the joy our children bring to our Meeting, the young ones squirming and rustling with us briefly at start of Meeting for Worship and then tripping off to classes, leaving us feeling both pride and momentary loss. Our older children keep their own counsel more, but occasionally let us share their accumulated wisdom. We owe the teachers at all levels our gratitude, yet we struggle to find additional volunteers to share their duties.

We take joy, too, as we strengthen our Meeting community with our committee work and from our joining together to help in the outside community, such as with Bethesda Help. We are thankful that our Meeting is able to make contributions to a broad variety of Quaker and non-Quaker causes. Our relative affluence in this respect is in part due to our relationship with the Sidwell Friends School that frees us from the expense and workload of financing and maintaining our own Meetinghouse.

We are glad to join at the national level with groups like the Friends Committee on National Legislation to speak truth to power as our delegations visit our Senators' and Representatives' offices to express our concern with the war our leaders have taken us into. As Friends, we know that there is no "good" war, and many of us find this war to be especially troubling. We can take no joy, but rather many of us feel dismay for our country's actions abroad.

We take special concern for what is happening in Palestine because of our special relationship with Quakers in Ramallah. We offer monetary support to Ramallah Friends School, the newly renovated Ramallah Friends Meetinghouse and the newly established Friends International Peace Center in Ramallah. Our members visiting the region offer more personal support. We must do all we can to strengthen the fragile attempts at peace between Israel and Palestine. Our support of activities in Africa and at Ramallah Friends School that happen to be sponsored by Friends United Meeting is in no way an endorsement of the FUM discriminatory personnel policies.

We seek to heal a situation at Baltimore Yearly Meeting that involves one of our active and beloved members. Action by an ad hoc group from Yearly Meeting has impaired his spiritual life and threatened his livelihood. We are asking what he needs to do to be reinstated.

We grieve over those beloved friends we have lost during the year. As always, we have gotten to know them still better from their Memorial Meetings, but six deaths in as many weeks since late February is a hard burden to bear.

We exult for those newcomers - adults, children and babies - we have gained through transfer, convincement, birth and graduation from junior membership.

Many of our members and attenders find joy in our Meeting for Worship as we wait upon the Spirit in expectant silence. Newcomers find comfort in our belief that God is available to everyone and in our not requiring acceptance of some specific creed for them to worship with us. Members of the Meeting have been making a strong effort to reach out to newcomers and involve them in the life of the Meeting; for instance, we have begun sending welcoming letters to those who sign our guestbook. Even so, some who visited us have told us later that we fell short of meeting their needs.

Our unprogrammed meetings satisfy our spiritual need, but vary from week to week, including some that are totally silent and a few others that drift towards philosophical debates or political harangues. We dream of a perfect meeting where no latecomers disturb us as we center down to a gathered meeting and where the messages are all clearly Spirit-driven, distinctly audible, and widely spaced enough for adequate contemplation after each. Our dream Meeting ends when all have satisfied their need for the light, with no one darting out before announcements. While we dream of perfection, we recognize our own imperfection, asking for love and tolerance for all of us still working toward that dreamed-of perfection.

We seek Vibrancy: growth, not stagnation; creativity, not routine sterility. We ask: to what extent do we exhibit energy, show spirit, seek the truth, feel awe?

We seek Depth: power, not triteness; vision, not narrowness. We ask: in what ways do we show patience, cope with paradox, display faithfulness, demonstrate unity?

We seek Generosity: trying to be welcoming, not suspicious; open, not hostile. We ask: to what extent do we act as stewards, create community, build respect?

We seek to embrace Vulnerability: trying to be confident, not defensive; growing, not stagnating; loving, not indifferent. We ask: in what ways do we learn, question, reveal, reach out, awaken?

We seek to be Centered: discerning, not presumptuous; connected, not incoherent; focused on sober truth, not frivolous notions. We ask: how well can we can listen, distinguish true notes from false, speak directly and with humility?

Lee Stern Peace Awards Ripple Effects

Judith Simmons' description at a BYM Peace & Social Concerns gathering at Sandy Spring in September of the Lee Stern Peace Awards that Sandy Spring has made to graduating high school students for a decade resonated deeply with folks at Bethesda Friends Meeting. We had been seeking a way to enlarge the expression of Quaker values (especially peace) in public and make more local people aware of Bethesda Friends Meeting. This seemed the perfect vehicle.

Joli McCathran, Sandy Spring's Secretary, facilitates communications with the schools. She advised us to ask the career guidance office in local high schools for names and addresses of contacts. Joli sent them a cover letter and scholarship award guidelines, asking them to nominate a student who had advanced the cause of peace, usually through the peer mediation program. Those named could site their nominations on their college application forms, perhaps a bigger benefit than the $100 which accompanies the award. In turn, the Meeting has an opportunity at the school spring awards ceremony to introduce peaceful approaches to conflict by reading the award certificate, which includes a brief biography of Lee Stern and his work with Fellowship of Reconciliation and the Alternatives to Violence Program. Sandy Spring presents the award in 10 high schools in Montgomery County, Maryland. A special fund-raising event produces the money each year.

Both Bethesda's Advancement & Outreach Committee and Peace & Social Justice Committee heartily endorsed the proposal which was then approved by Meeting for Business. Bethesda will make awards at three public high schools and is exploring additional possibilities with DC public schools and the AFSC/DC HIPP program. The meeting so enthusiastically supported the effort that the money was in hand without additional fundraising.

Committee members at a BYM Advancement & Outreach meeting in January asked Bethesda to share these ripple effects with other Meetings. For further information, contact Joli McCathran at office@sandypring.org (301-774-9792) or Jane Meleney Coe at info@bethesdafriends.org (301-320-5083)

Joli McCathran and Jane Meleney Coe

Our spring fling last May — a yard sale and picnic of Middle Eastern foods — raised a record amount for scholarships to Ramallah Friends School.

In another record for the Meeting, seven members are participating in the Spiritual Formation Program.

In mid-October, the First Day School plans once again to participate in a Mini-Walkathon around the neighborhood to raise awareness of the problem of homelessness and funds to benefit the Interfaith Housing Coalition.

As part of an ongoing effort to deepen our spiritual and community life, a series of forums on “Why We Do What We Do” continues to provide a means for newcomers and old-timers to jointly probe our practices, while our Ministry and Worship committee is exploring ways that we might use the BYM queries in new and meaningful ways. We’re also looking into updating/ improving our hearing assistance system and would like to hear the experiences of other Meetings.

Births: Alice & Lucy to Jeff & Liza Layne; Abby to Judy & Mike Sangillo; Tom to Thomas & Lily Conrad

BFM has learned of the FUM personnel policy which discriminates against applicants for staff and volunteer positions on the basis of sexual orientation or behavior. Our Meeting strongly disagrees with this policy because it fails to recognize the varieties of responsible, loving, spiritually enriching relationships that exist in our meetings and communities, and is counter to our belief that there is that of God in every person. We recognize that this policy does reflect beliefs strongly held by many in FUM leadership positions.

We support the initiatives being taken by BYM to open a dialogue and labor with others in FUM and on the General Board of FUM to seek together a way to transcend this conflict and to find a new way to respond to the concerns of all about this important issue.

Bethesda Friends Meeting Minute on FUM Personnel Policy, approved 18th of Seventh Month 2004

Deaths: Earl Harrison, 11/10/2003

Spiritual State of the Meeting Report - 2003

In this year of war and its aftermath that comes on the heels of two years of alarms about terrorism, we find ourselves eager for the solace of Meeting for Worship. We yearn for the refreshment of a deep living silence and Spirit-centered messages. We yearn for a caring community, where we know each other well, can rejoice together, and provide help when needed. Some of us find ourselves looking nostalgically to the past when Quakerism seemed stronger, when roles were clearer, when people had more time, and sharing seemed deeper. But we live in a present where our experience often falls short of our hopes. We are aware of gaps between what we profess and how we behave, and the tensions between how we carry ourselves into meeting and into the world. We are working to diminish these gaps, starting by admitting, to God and to ourselves, our responsibility for dealing with them.

In an effort to assess where we are and where we might be led, a series of before- Worship forums delved into questions of why we do what we do - for example why we have the committees we have, and how we welcome and encourage newcomers. We have probed our practice, seeking to know it better and, in so doing, to transform it into a more God-led way. We have sought a deeper understanding of Quaker language - of words such as "The Light", "ministry", "oversight" and "pastoral care," lest they become mere Quaker cliches.

In the past year, we have tried to deepen our understanding of Friends' beliefs and practice in our worship. We sought greater insight into how to discern the Spirit leading us to speak in meeting and how to hear messages with greater understanding and acceptance. The Ministry and Worship Committee has followed the Quaker tradition of eldering with quiet, gentle guidance in private. The Committee seeks to close Meeting for Worship with greater sensitivity to the Spirit rather than the clock, easing the transition from silent Friends' worship through announcements to a noisy, friendly coffee hour.

This year we celebrated three lives in memorial meetings: Evelyn Bryant, mother of Ralph Bryant and aunt of Marion Ballard; Dorothy Akins, mother of Ronald Akins; and Earl Harrison, a much valued member of the meeting. We celebrated the living as we saluted the 90th birthday of our member Jean Jones at an after-meeting potluck lunch. We have delighted in our children, who led us in music and song on several occasions, including our annual Christmas pageant. We continue to be grateful to those among us who lead the children in First Day School. Also, as in the past, we continue to grapple with techniques to smooth the exit of the children for First Day School and to welcome them back with minimum disruption to Meeting for Worship.

We have recognized the scarcity of Friends of color among us. A Listening Project involving more than 30 meeting members has sought to raise awareness of racism and to find ways to encourage and nurture diversity in our meeting community. We mean to practice being more welcoming, not only to strangers, but also to each other and to the holy Spirit.

We sense a stirring within us as a community to examine the openings that we believe always to be present, if only we will discern them and pick ourselves up -- lovingly -- and trusting in God, follow them. As we try to live up to our understanding of what Friends believe, we mean to listen more deeply within ourselves, to take spiritual risks, and to let ourselves be truly open, vulnerable, and instruments of God.

We lost a cherished member when Earl Harrison died in November. A memorial meeting to celebrate his life was held, under the joint care of Bethesda and Friends Meeting of Washington at FMW on December 6. At our January after-Meeting potluck, we rejoiced with member Jean Jones on her 90th birthday (which actually occurred in December), especially the ways she has responded to others' needs and her witnesses for peace and justice, including many peace marches.

Spurred both by the questions for this year's Spiritual State of the Meeting report and by a Listening Project on Racism and Diversity carried out by Jane Coe, several committees have been thinking about ways that we can be more welcoming — in general, by seeking out newcomers and longtime members we may not know very well, and in particular by extending a warm welcome to those of other races.